she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
