I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
