I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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