its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
