in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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