I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
