All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
