she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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