I'm going to jail i love you
...so i touched it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
