listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
