ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
