i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
