How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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