So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
ttyl tear gas
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
