i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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