why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
