I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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