I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I need a beard to bite.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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