you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
