Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
