Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
