He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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