I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
