my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
