i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
