i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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