my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
