Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
