I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
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I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
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I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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