Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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