Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My liver just had a heart attack.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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