Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
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Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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