The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
birth control should be required to get into college
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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