a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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