He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
