You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
