Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There r osticjed everywhere
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
