he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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