We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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