At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
