So drunk its hurt
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
