First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
