1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
