Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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