i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
