Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
