I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
