I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
