Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
