so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
