she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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