Me. At least after what I've been through.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
