I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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