How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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