i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
