Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
