I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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