An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
