He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
