i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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