my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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