I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
