And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
