she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
