i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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