Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
